12

I made a mistake. I drank too much. I didn't avoid a bad situation. I made a mistake. Now I'm left to pick up the pieces, to pick up my pants.
"I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I don't think this would have happened if we hadn't been drinking."
"Oh, I know," Jane said, "Every time we go out, I keep telling myself, 'I'm not going to this time, I'm not going to this time.' And somehow you always seem to get me all liquored up."
"That's not what I mean."
"I know, I know. You don't mean to do it, we just fall into old habits too easily."
"No, you really don't get it. It's not that I'm not happy in the moment, it's not that you aren't beautiful, or that I'm not happy to be here. I am happy with you, I want to be here, with you. It's that I want to be somewhere else, with someone else more."
"Oh. James, this is really unconventional pillow talk."
At that, I lift my head, I turn, and I apologize. I'm sorry, I really am, because I never meant for things to be like this.